Hi YALL! Brit brit here, just wanted to update you all on the size of my vagina.  It’s about 4 feet wide with razor sharp teeth.

- Today’s message on Britney Spears’ hacked Twitter account.  Click here to see the original, pre-deleted message.

The UK’s Daily Mail is asserting that you-know-who’s daughter is en route to being a famous – and respected — actress.  And, in order to prevent getting swept away in bad reviews, she’s going to attend classes in order to hone in on her craft.

Apparently, after moving back to Manhattan with her mother after Madonna split from Guy Ritchie, 14-year-old Lourdes Ciccone has enrolled at the New York drama school made famous by Macaulay Culkin, Scarlett Johansson and Sarah Jessica Parker.

According to their impeccable sources:

Lourdes is desperate to become an actress and has joined Manhattan’s Professional Children’s School. She is determined to prove herself and plans to throw herself into studying the technique.

Good for you, Lourdes!!  And, remember when you’re making your first movie, it wouldn’t hurt to have mom chip in on the soundtrack …. but, that’s it!! ;)

Happy New Year, everyone!!  I’m pretty sure you and your loved ones rang in the new year free from physical altercations in dark, dirty alleys… unless, of course, you’re  Lindsay Lohan and/or Samantha Ronson.

Page Six’s sources are reporting that the Sapphic relationship has not only hit the skids, but it appears they’ve been hitting each other.  

The festivities started on the Eve of New Years Eve (Tuesday night) whilst partying at Set in Miami, where the quarrelsome twosome fought in front of each other’s respective families…. such a faux pas.

Things just didn’t get any better on New Years Eve.  Both were hosting a party at Mansion when, for some reason or the other, the two engaged in a fist fight behind the club.  According to their source:

It was a really gross alley. There was a bum eating a sandwich watching the whole thing. Lindsay was really unstable and flipping out.

The confrontation didn’t end with half-eaten sandwiches in dirty alleys, oh no.  In fact, it continued in their hotel room where another source was cited as saying:

They were punching each other – it was bad.  And they were doing this in front of all of us. It was scary.

Come on, girls!!  Stop the insanity!!  We hate it when mommy and mommy fight!!  Besides, who do you think you are?  Crystal and Alexis?!

Darius Crenshaw, Grasan Kingsberry, and Brian Brooks, of the national touring cast of musical The Color Purple, reinterpreted the choreography of Beyonce’s Single Ladies video and made it more, well, fabulous!!  Check it out …

Unfortunately, I haven’t seen the musical The Color Purple yet, but something tells me this dance sequence wasn’t part of the original storyline.  Nonetheless, I think Alice Walker’s novel could use a little more glitter in her otherwise gloomy tome.   Don’t you?    

Brit’s latest partner?
(Choreographer Sandip Soparrkar
with faceless lady person.)

Take it with a grain of curry, but rumor has it that Miss Spears’ latest love interest may indeed be a well-coordinated import from the far east.

According to über reputable publication Daily Mirror, Britney (“What psych ward?”) Spears has taken a liking to the guy who choreographed her Womanizer video.  In fact, their source (read: author’s hair stylist) claims the budding couple spent a magical holiday together:  

For Christmas, Sandip – or Sandy as Britney calls him – presented her with a traditional Indian sari. She wore it during a candlelit dinner.

The pair were whispering and giggling all night. Sandy ordered local delicacies including chicken tikka and a cottage cheese curry.

Britney was nicking the dough balls from his plate. It was really cute.

So, his name’s “Sandy”, eh?  Where did I hear that name before?  Hmmm…  I can’t seem to remember right now.  Maybe if I grease up the old memory bank, it’ll come to me.

Anyway, you have a great time, Brit.  And you keep “nicking those balls” — whatever that means.

The reason of a resolution is more to be considered than the resolution itself.

- Sir John Holt (1642 – 1710) was Lord Chief Justice of England and Wales from 17 April 1689 to his death.

“A sequel …. that’s all I ask of you.”
(Michael Crawford and Sarah Brightman in the
original 1986 production of The Phantom of the Opera)

Is Andrew Lloyd Weber going broke?!  Has he run out of ideas?! 

(more info after the jump)

According to the UK’s Daily Mail, a sequel to Andrew Lloyd Weber’s Broadway hit The Phantom of the Opera, based on Gaston Leroux’s novel of the same name, will debut next year in not one, not two, but THREE cities simultaneously!!

Lord Lloyd-Webber, 60, said the sequel, entitled Phantom: Love Never Dies, would be set a decade or so later, moving the action from the Paris Opera to Coney Island in Brooklyn, New York.

In it, the Phantom is reunited with Christine, the Swedish soprano first played by Lord Lloyd-Webber’s wife at the time, Sarah Brightman.

Lord Lloyd-Webber said he hoped to open the show in London, on Broadway and in an Asian city — possibly Shanghai — at the same time, something no other production has done.

So, to be perfectly clear, this new one is about …. (wait for it, wait for it) ….. The Phantom of Coney Island!!  Wow, this production has “hit” written all over it (except the hit I had in mind has an “s” in front of it). 

Anyway, one interesting, albeit gratuitous, tidbit was given in the same article:

In May last year, the sequel was temporarily delayed when Lord Lloyd Webber’s cat, Otto, climbed onto his digital Clavinova piano and deleted the entire score.  Lord Lloyd Webber was unable to recover any of it from the instrument.  Sadly Otto was run over and killed by a car a few months later.

Seems to me Otto was trying to save us from a bad musical and, as a result, met his untimely death.  Lord Webber!!!  Je vous accuse!!!

I couldn’t say anything, I just ran out. A friend tried to persuade me to say, ‘Hello,’ but I couldn’t do it. It was ridiculous…. I had a Beckham shirt when I was a kid and he was the one I watched growing up.

What wasn’t reported was David’s reaction: “Geez, next time light a match!!”  

(Source: Radar Online)

In case you’ve been living in a cave or, worse, in a Prop 8 loving municipality, both Mickey Rourke and Sean Penn have been generating quite the Oscar buzz lately  for their respective performances in The Wrestler and Milk.  However, it’s being reported that Rourke has been resorting to trash texting in order help secure his nod from the Academy.

(more info after the jump)

According to Gerald Posner of the Daily Beast , it first started after Rourke’s December 23 appearance on David Letterman, where he told someone backstage that he was surprised that so many people seemed to think that Penn was his Oscar competition since “I’m not even sure he’ll get a nomination.”  No biggie, right?  Keep reading.

Then, on December 28, a “Los Angeles entertainment honcho” (read: Starbucks barrista) showed Gerald Posner a text he allegedly received from Rourke saying:

Look seans an old friend of mine and i didnt buy his performance at all—thought he did an average pretend acting like he was gay besides hes one of the most homophobic people i kno [sic]

Oh snap!!  Let’s the Oscar dramz begin!!

In the meantime, no word yet on whether Mickey Rourke has chosen to reveal his hatred for wrestlers.

The Chinese censors are worse.

Warner Bros released a statement earlier today saying that they have no plans to release their latest Batman installment in China:

Based on a number of pre-release conditions that are being attached to The Dark Knight as well as cultural sensitivities to some elements of the film, we have opted to forego a theatrical release of the film in China.

Don’t worry, Warner Bros.  What you guys have declined to do, the online pirates took care of long, long ago.